The Holy Family was not immune to the complexities of relationships. They experienced the fracture, healing, celebration and sorrow that each family encounters as they navigated their way through the extraordinary and ordinary moments of life. Every relationship requires faith, hope and love to flourish, and a look at Mary, Joseph and Jesus reveals these dynamics at play within their family.
A wedding places a tremendous amount of strain on young couples, but it seems that Mary and Joseph were destined to be challenged at every step of their marriage. Their narrative begins with each receiving their own angelic encouragement to ‘not be afraid’ and despite the seemingly impossible challenges, they accept their mission. Courageous choices, rather than passive docility, would be the hallmark of this humble couple.
We also observe another distinguishing feature of Mary and Joseph in their discerning ‘yes’ to God. Mary directly questions the angel Gabriel, ‘how can this be?’ and Joseph quietly considers alternatives to marriage. Far from pawns to be moved from one square to another, Mary and Joseph displayed freedom of will, openness to belief and a discerning heart.
Take time to discern
A favourite woodwork teacher of mine instilled a famous saying, ‘measure twice, cut once’ which has both a literal and figurative meaning. The proverb countered my teenage tendency to rush ahead and act without planning and taught the necessity for precision and stewardship in my craftsmanship. Over many years of formation and frontal lobe development, my impulse control eventually caught up with these words of wisdom.
Mary and Joseph acted decisively in union throughout their marriage. While some events were thrust upon them such as giving birth in a cave and fleeing to Egypt, we also see a measured way of preparing a pathway for Jesus, going each year to Jerusalem at the time of Passover.
As new parents, we imagine a life of happiness and fulfilment for our children, free from pain and suffering. Yet, Mary and Joseph were warned by Simeon of the piercing pain they would endure throughout Jesus’ life. In many ways, we just want the best for our kids and try to shield them from the suffering and rejection that is an inevitable part of life. However, there comes a time when all the bubble wrap in the world isn’t enough to placate helicopter parents and the apron strings must be severed.
For Mary and Joseph, this moment coincided with the disappearance of their 12-year-old son on the way home from Jerusalem. Tweenagers were not a thing in first century Palestine, there was simply children and adults, nothing in between. A Jewish boy would make his way up to Jerusalem with the women and children, participate in the ritual of bar mitzvah and make his way home in the company of men.
Love and exuberant passion
Luke’s Gospel reveals a frantic Mary and Joseph, searching together for three days before finding Jesus in the temple. It begs the question of why they were looking for him in all those other places? Jesus couldn’t understand it either, asking ‘didn’t you know I’d be in my father’s house?’. This response might be considered a bratty retort to Mary’s plea to his conscience, ‘child, why have you done this to us?’ (Luke 2:49). Another possibility is that Jesus was grappling with being misunderstood by his parents. Perhaps, he had simply followed his heart, acting impulsively out of love and exuberant passion, without a care in the world. As a teacher and a parent, I’ve seen teenagers spend weeks of time on a project and astound me with a thoughtless action, bringing it all unstuck at the finishing line.
Older parents caution me that children grow up so quickly and no doubt Mary and Joseph were astonished by the change in Jesus following their three days of separation. The days of transformation resemble Jonah’s time in the whale and also foreshadow the three days before Jesus’s resurrection. Luke carefully records the anxiety and astonishment of Mary and Joseph in their attempt to understand Jesus, revealing the humanity of their relationship.
The holy couple accompanied each other in their seeking, finding and knowing Jesus. The Gospel writer remains silent on what transpired during the return to Nazareth, but hints that ‘Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man’ (Luke 2:52). This life-changing event would have left Jesus pondering how to be obedient to his earthly and heavenly fathers.
Faith, hope and love
A trifocal lens of faith, hope and love removed blind obedience from Jesus’ apprenticeship in work and life. The 18 unrecorded years of paying taxes, religious observance, family life and encountering a diversity of people on the trade routes of Galilee, would have provided Jesus with a rich backdrop for his public ministry.
Not a word is spoken by Joseph in those hidden years of formation in Nazareth. Mary breaks the silence, telling the wedding stewards to ‘do whatever he tells you’. It’s another important moment of transformation, discipleship and revelation in this profoundly complex and loving relationship.
As parents, we look to the example of the Holy Family who carefully and courageously measured and treasured each transformational moment of their relationship, both the mundane and the astonishing.